Abuse doesn’t always stop when the relationship ends. Sometimes, it just evolves.
She left the abuse.
She found the courage to walk away, to protect herself and her children. She packed the bags, filed the papers, endured the whisper campaigns. She did everything the world tells survivors to do.
But now she’s co-parenting with someone who never actually stopped hurting her, he just changed tactics.
He no longer needs to raise a hand.
Now, all he has to do is:
- Miss a support payment.
- Show up 45 minutes late for pickup.
- File a motion just before the holidays.
- Spread lies at school, at church, or in court.
- Use the legal system as a leash.
It’s not “post-abuse.” It’s just abuse in a suit and tie.
This is what coercive control looks like after separation. It’s invisible to outsiders but devastating to the person still trapped in the orbit of someone who knows exactly how to make her unravel without leaving a mark.
When she breaks down, it’s not because she’s unstable.
It’s because she’s being stalked by someone who still knows where the soft spots are—and who uses parenting, paperwork, and public perception as weapons.
And when she finally cries out, people say:
“She’s being dramatic.”
“She just wants attention.”
“She’s difficult.”
No.
She’s not being dramatic.
She’s being hurt in broad daylight—and no one’s stopping it.
Let’s Talk About What Needs to Change
Too many family courts still treat high-conflict cases as if both parents are equally at fault. But “high conflict” is often just code for continued abuse—with the abuser now playing the role of the reasonable, rule-following co-parent while quietly destabilizing everything around her.
It’s time we stop asking why she’s still upset and start asking why he’s still allowed to use the system to punish her.
- Courts must recognize patterns of coercive control and litigation abuse.
- Attorneys must stop treating family court as a clean slate for abusers to reframe the story.
- Support systems must learn to spot subtle retaliation masked as “parental rights.”
If You’re a Survivor, Read This Twice:
You are not overreacting.
You are not imagining things.
And you are not alone.
You’re doing the hardest thing imaginable—trying to parent while still being targeted by someone who once called you family. That takes more strength than most people will ever understand.
But some of us do understand. And we believe you.
Has the abuse followed you into co-parenting? Share your experience below—or talk to a professional who knows how to spot what others don’t. Because silence should never be the price of survival.
The Divorce Artist™️ 