1. Do adultery or other marital “wrongs” matter?

Your spouse has been involved with someone else, doesn’t that count? Legally speaking, the short answer is: not really.

Courts generally don’t want to hear about who was unfaithful or who “caused” the breakdown of the marriage, unless those facts directly impact child custody. For the most part, infidelity or other bad behavior won’t change how assets are divided. As painful as betrayal may be, it usually has little effect on the financial outcome of a divorce.

2. What about alimony (a.k.a. maintenance in New York)?

If your spouse moves in with a new partner, does that impact their ability to receive alimony? In many cases, yes. Courts are often reluctant to award significant alimony when the recipient is living with someone else, especially if that person is contributing financially.

The purpose of alimony is to balance financial disparities between spouses, particularly when one sacrificed career opportunities or needs time to re-enter the workforce. Longer marriages generally mean longer potential support. But lifetime alimony is increasingly rare, and support often ends if the recipient begins cohabitating with someone who shares expenses.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard, relevant to any spouse, is this: financial independence empowers better choices and reduces reliance on a former partner.

3. How does child support work if my ex is living with someone else?

You don’t pay child support to your ex, you pay it for your kids.

Even if your former spouse has moved in with someone new, that doesn’t eliminate your child support obligation. Courts focus on the children’s needs, not the parents’ personal arrangements. You may feel you’re overpaying, but those funds can translate into a better living environment for your children, like access to safer housing, stronger schools, or more stability overall.

And yes, even in shared custody arrangements, the higher-earning parent may still be ordered to pay support. It may feel unfair, but it reflects the principle that children should enjoy comparable standards of living in both households.

4. What happens to pensions and retirement savings?

If you’ve been contributing to a retirement plan during the marriage, your spouse is likely entitled to a share. Think about it: if one spouse stayed home or earned less, they weren’t able to contribute to retirement in the same way. Their work — childcare, household responsibilities, supporting the other spouse’s career — made those retirement savings possible.

In New York, for example, the law provides that pensions and retirement savings earned from the date of marriage to the date of divorce papers (or another agreed-upon date) are marital property, usually divided equally. Contributions made before the marriage remain separate.

Because pension division can be complex, courts often rely on forensic accountants to calculate and divide these assets, meaning there may be extra costs involved in getting to a fair result.

Divorce isn’t just about dividing assets . . . it’s about navigating legal realities that may not align with your instincts or emotions.

What other issues do you think the higher financial earner should prepare for in divorce? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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