Divorce often intersects with couples therapy. Many times my clients are just coming to new realizations about their marriage during couples counseling or have tried many times over to make it work. Two excellent therapists and certified coaches that I had the chance to speak with are Poppy and Geoff Spencer. Their work and their marriage — to each other — has been documented in their #1 bestselling book “One Billion Seconds: There’s Still Time to Discover Love.” This dynamic pair discussed a host of different issues when it comes to the realization that a divorce may be on the horizon on the podcast: The Relationship Restaurant. The podcast focus is on “a figurative place where you can feel comfortable and safe to explore your relationship questions and concerns, so you can create your very own heart healthy relationships.”
Mark was confused: his wife was demanding their co-op apartment in the divorce, and he felt – deep in his heart – that she should have it. His friends and coworkers were telling him it was a bad deal to trade-off paying her “alimony” and give her the apartment. And so was I. When Mark came in for our next appointment, I showed him my number one secret weapon in divorce – and his new best friend: a calculator. Continue reading “Your Real Best Friend In Divorce (Hint: it’s not a person!)”→
Marcy hadn’t worked in four years and suddenly was faced with an amazing six-figure job offer – but the offer came right in the middle of her extremely nasty divorce. “Should I take it?” she asked. “What about child support? Alimony? Custody?” My answer was absolutely YES – take the job! Here are my top 6 reasons why you should take the job, regardless of your divorce:
A client that I’ll call “Tanya” had a problem. Her husband was not only sleeping with her best friend, but he ran up more than $35k in credit card debt to take his affair on a trip to Thailand. Tanya was humiliated and angry. “I have done everything for him and the kids while he’s been parading around his girlfriend — my best friend — behind my back!” she said. “He needs to pay for this; I want revenge.” Revenge. Payback. Vengeance. What better place than a divorce court to get revenge on your spouse, right?
But this was Tanya’s realproblem: divorce is not revenge. And divorce court is absolutely not the place to seek retribution. Surprised? Here are my top 5 reasons why divorce is not the place to get revenge on your spouse: Continue reading “Divorce Is Not Revenge.”→
Michael looked at me with a stunned glare. I re-ran the child support calculations again. After some (but not all) of his taxes were considered, the calculator showed the same number, 25% of his income for child support. “I knew I was going to pay; I just didn’t know it was going to be that much!”
Primary bread-winners repeat after me: you agreed to pay the bills during the marriage and you are stuck paying after the divorce.
Many times, the amount isn’t unfair, but rather the fact that you are forced to pay an ex-spouse (who probably gave you some emotional scars). And, on top of that, you have no ability to control how that money is spent (or if that money is even spent on the child — or her endless shoe collection). Continue reading “Child-Support: Fair or Fail?”→
Andy was desperate: he owed more than half a million dollars in back child support and his ex-wife was seeking enforcement, including a violation for failure to pay, which would land him in jail for up to six months. They had been divorced for about 10 years but at the time, he had agreed to pay through the nose.
“I felt bad,” he explained. “I was the one leaving the marriage, and at the time I was doing really well at work.” His feelings of guilt landed him with high payments and no assets (he gave her the house too). His payments became untenable when the economy soured and his job was cut.