1. Push for maximum time from day one.

If you want equal parenting time, or even a generous schedule, you need to set that expectation right from the start. Courts often see the initial “temporary” schedule as the baseline, and it’s tough to expand later. Don’t agree to a minimal arrangement thinking you’ll build it up. Show the court you know your child’s routines, needs, and care. Make it clear that your proposed schedule is realistic, practical, and in your child’s best interests.

2. Hire a lawyer who gets it.

Some attorneys still approach custody cases with outdated assumptions about dads. You need a lawyer who believes in your role as an equal parent and knows how to fight for it. Don’t settle: interview multiple lawyers, ask about their experience representing fathers, and find out what creative strategies they’ve used in the past. If your lawyer keeps steering you toward an arrangement you know isn’t workable, push back. Unless you’re comfortable with the settlement, be ready to see the judge.

3. Keep child support out of custody discussions.

Mixing money and parenting time is a losing move. Too many people, including judges, assume dads want more time just to reduce child support. Even if you’re the more hands-on parent, raising the money issue muddies the water. Know the law where you live: in New York, for example, even with a 50/50 schedule, the higher-earning parent pays support. Keep the focus on parenting, not payments.

4. Put the schedule on paper . . . literally.

Don’t just talk about “alternate weekends and a Wednesday dinner.” Draw it on a calendar. Seeing the gaps makes the reality crystal clear: in many standard schedules, kids can go seven days or more without seeing their dad. That’s a lifetime for a young child used to daily contact. A visual calendar can persuade judges, mediators, and even the other parent that your plan is both necessary and beneficial.

5. Play the long game with co-parenting.

Court orders end, but co-parenting doesn’t. Once the dust settles, you’ll still be raising your children together. While you need to fight hard for time, also consider where you can extend grace. Being reasonable on certain issues now can lead to a healthier long-term dynamic, and that stability benefits your kids most of all.

6. Know your limits, and don’t weaponize custody.

Custody isn’t about punishing your ex. Judges can spot revenge-driven litigation a mile away, and it can seriously damage your case. More importantly, your kids will feel the fallout. Ask yourself: Am I fighting for this because it’s best for my child, or because I’m angry at my ex? If it’s the latter, pull back. Staying focused on what genuinely serves your children’s wellbeing is not only the right thing to do, but it also makes you far more credible in court.

Bottom line: If you’re an active dad, you can, and should, fight for a parenting plan that reflects your role. It takes strategy, persistence, and the right legal team, but your kids deserve the continuity of having you fully present in their lives.