You are an active dad – way beyond changing a few diapers. You attend to the emotional needs of your kids and are genuinely involved in caretaking: potty training, homework, tantrums. You’re involved in a real, meaningful way.
What happens when an actively involved dad is faced with a nasty, contentious custody battle? Here are five things that active fathers should know before they set foot in a courtroom:
Every married woman needs at least $5,000 in a bank account in her own name — no matter what her husband thinks.
Far too many women are going to reject this mandate as an act of marital treason. Let’s be clear: I didn’t say the account had to be a secret. I leave that up to the individual woman. Nor did I suggest that you shouldn’t care what your partner thinks. In a healthy relationship, you should absolutely care about his opinion. But you should have an account, regardless.
You’re an adult. You should have some access to cash in your own name, not because it is a “divorce slush fund,” but for scads of other reasons. Continue reading “Every Woman Needs $5,000 in Her Own Account — Even If It’s a Secret”
I’ve seen it in my practice a million times — a spouse comes up with a million reasons why their ex- is a horrible person, shouldn’t see the kids and should be in jail. But in the end, the kids are hurt by lack of access to both parents, both parties suffer in a torrid, expensive court case, and the “victim” comes off as a drama queen to friends, family and their employer.
The real culprit: Divorce guilt.
Imagine you need to get a divorce, but at court you are told that you can’t because your state doesn’t even recognize your marriage. With a dozen states now permitting same-sex marriage – including Minnesota which joined the fold on May 14, 2013 – the unequal treatment of such marriages is poised to become more widely understood, in the context of divorce.
Let me explain: in my state, New York, where same-same marriage was signed into law in June of 2011, there is no residency requirement to obtain a marriage license. Because New York recognizes same-sex marriages, couples can come here from all over the country and get hitched. And they have.
But, say that things go badly – as is the case with 50% of marriages today – those same couples who got married here may not be able to get divorced here. Why? Because while there is no residency requirement to get married here, New York does have a residency requirement to get divorced.
Watch me discuss why this complicates matters:
Worse yet: couples who reside in a state that does not recognize the legality of their marriage may not qualify for a divorce in their home state either. Read more about this issue…
Continue reading “Divorce Inequality: What Same-Sex Couples Should Know Before They Say “I Do””
The Divorce Artist™️ 