I know an incredible mother of four, let’s call her Anne. She’s now in a happy, stable second marriage with her supportive husband, a fellow schoolteacher. They’re raising twin toddlers in a home complete with a white picket fence. But her life wasn’t always so peaceful.
Anne’s first husband was a controlling, verbally abusive police officer who drank heavily and cheated often. When Anne pushed back, he threatened to use his job and income to take the kids and ruin her in court. But instead of giving in to fear, Anne made a quiet plan, and started with her finances.
Though she didn’t control the household income, Anne began saving in secret. She opened her own bank account and had the statements sent to a trusted friend. She trimmed the grocery budget and pocketed the difference, even finding small, creative ways to save, like returning unused gifts or substituting brand-name items with generics.
Over three years, Anne slowly saved about $5,000. At the same time, she documented her husband’s drinking, verbal abuse, and spending habits: collecting bank statements, cell phone records, and credit card bills. When she was ready, she hired a lawyer, filed for divorce, and presented her case.
Anne demanded he move out, leave her the home and the children, and warned that unless he addressed his drinking, she’d pursue supervised visitation. With financial support secured, she began building her independence.
Her husband’s threats couldn’t protect him from his own behavior. Anne’s patience and strategic planning allowed her to break free and build a better life for herself and her kids.
Lessons from Anne’s story:
- Open a bank account in your name. Online statements make it easier to keep private, if needed.
- Small savings add up. Substituting generic products or returning unused items can build a quiet cushion.
- Get creative. Budget around inflated costs when needed (think “extra” school fees or small returns).
- Know your rights. Consult with divorce attorneys early, even a free consultation can help you plan.
- If physical abuse is present, don’t wait. Many organizations offer free legal services to help you leave safely.
Morghan Leia Richardson is a family and divorce attorney and mediator based in New York City.
The Divorce Artist™️ 