That Special Time of Year: Holidays Mean Waiting To Divorce

not-break-until-after-christmas-ecard-someecards

This holiday season, you are thinking: “Just one more time.” One more time around your mother-in-law’s nasty snide comments; one more draining day of yule-tide “merriment”; and one last New Year’s hurrah. After the confetti settles, the weight of the relationship will be too much. In fact, the stress could do you in. So you will say “never again,” and spend the next year (or more) getting divorced. And you are not alone. Continue reading “That Special Time of Year: Holidays Mean Waiting To Divorce”

The Huffington Post Featured: Don’t Let Divorce Guilt Break Your Bank

huffpo

My piece on primary male bread winners and divorce guilt has been taken up by The Huffington Post. Let’s have a discussion about the ramifications of divorce guilt in the comments here or on the HuffPo.

Andy was desperate: he owed more than half a million dollars in back child support and alimony and his ex-wife was seeking enforcement, including a violation for failure to pay, which would land him in jail for up to six months. They had been divorced for about 10 years and at the time, he agreed to pay through the nose.

“I felt bad,” he explained. “I was the one leaving the marriage, and at the time I was doing really well at work.” His guilt and a rushed desire to settle landed him with high payments and no assets (he gave her the house too). His payments became untenable when the economy soured and his job was cut.

This isn’t the only case where I’ve encountered this type of divorce guilt that can plague the male primary income earner — particularly when he’s the one seeking the divorce. Continue reading “The Huffington Post Featured: Don’t Let Divorce Guilt Break Your Bank”

Bread-Winners: Top Four Things You Ask When Faced With Divorce

confused-businessmanEveryone who is married at some point thinks about divorce. The longer the marriage, the more at stake: children, property, debts, and a lifetime of joy and sorrow.

Here is my run-down of the four most common questions that I hear from primary bread-winners facing or contemplating divorce: Continue reading “Bread-Winners: Top Four Things You Ask When Faced With Divorce”

Men: Top Three Tips To Avoid A “Mean Girl” Style Divorce

Pic from imdb.com
Pic from imdb.com

Good listening skills aren’t just important to relationships. They can also keep you out of jail.

A client, I’ll call him “Ted,” swore to me that “everything was fine” but then his wife slapped him with a restraining order. When he called to talk to her about it, Ted (unwittingly) violated the order and ended up under arrest – charged with a felony for violating a court order, as well as misdemeanor aggravated harassment for the phone call. “She didn’t have to do this,” he lamented. “If she wanted a divorce, she could have told me; we could have done this in a friendly way.”

I see it all the time: guys are dumbfounded that their wives take drastic measures to get their attention when they want a divorce. But it’s no surprise to me. Aside from being a woman and a divorce lawyer, I was also a “mean girl” in high school. I know how those b*tches operate. Here’s a few simple things to understand how your wife operates too. Continue reading “Men: Top Three Tips To Avoid A “Mean Girl” Style Divorce”

Bread-Winner: Know The Divorce Laws

gmpGentlemen, let me confirm what you have long suspected: if you are the primary income earner in your family, particularly where your wife has stayed at home, be prepared to pay in your divorce.

For the most part, laws have consistently leaned towards protecting women who do not work, who set aside careers (or never start one) and raise children. These laws favor the idea that there is an inherent value in raising children and tending to the family. Continue reading "Bread-Winner: Know The Divorce Laws"

Dear Men: Divorce Guilt Can Break Your Bank

gmp

Andy was desperate: he owed more than half a million dollars in back child support and alimony and his ex-wife was seeking enforcement, including a violation for failure to pay, which would land him in jail for up to six months. They had been divorced for about ten years and at the time, he agreed to pay through the nose.

“I felt bad,” he explained. “I was the one leaving the marriage and at the time I was doing really well at work.” His guilt and a rushed desire to settle landed him with high payments and no assets (he gave her the house too). His payments became untenable when the economy soured and his job was cut.

This isn’t the only case where I’ve encountered this type of divorce guilt that can plague the male primary income earner — particularly when he’s the one seeking the divorce. Continue reading “Dear Men: Divorce Guilt Can Break Your Bank”

Stop Painting Your Ex as a Horrible, Negligent Addict and Resolve Your Divorce Guilt

MAKESI’ve seen it in my practice a million times — a spouse comes up with a million reasons why their ex- is a horrible person, shouldn’t see the kids and should be in jail. But in the end, the kids are hurt by lack of access to both parents, both parties suffer in a torrid, expensive court case, and the “victim” comes off as a drama queen to friends, family and their employer.

The real culprit: Divorce guilt.

 

Continue reading “Stop Painting Your Ex as a Horrible, Negligent Addict and Resolve Your Divorce Guilt”