Marriage is hard work. But that shouldn’t be confused with a bad or painful relationship that causes you more tears than smiles. Remember happy?
I am frequently asked: “But how do I know that divorce is the answer?” Very few people are 100% certain about divorce. I have personally handled hundreds of divorces at this point in my career and if you have doubts, you aren’t alone.
My advice, generally, is to try everything you can to fix the relationship. Because once you can say “I’ve done everything to fix this but it is still broken,” then you can confidently know the time to move on is now.
Sometimes people will delay answering their own call to divorce. Instead, they ignore their feelings and let the situation deteriorate. This can turn what might have been an easy divorce into a more complicated situation because of guilt.
Keep in mind that letting go of the hurt, anger and guilt is the best gift you can give yourself. Coming out of the divorce as a stronger and smarter version of you is the only real win in any divorce case.
A few pro tips for avoiding divorce guilt:
- Make a list of the reasons that your marriage isn’t working and the ways in which you’ve tried to fix the situation — sometimes seeing your efforts on paper will reassure you that divorce is the right choice.
- Remind yourself that 50% of marriages (and 67% of second marriages) end in divorce.
- Reconnect with your old hobbies and activities or try new experiences — remember that you are a whole person.
- Talk to a therapist — if you can’t find one you like try an App like TalkSpace.com (text a therapist whenever or wherever).
Questions? Thoughts? Drop a comment or send me an email.