Mark was stuck.
His wife wanted the co-op apartment in their divorce, and deep down, he agreed she should have it. His friends — and even a few lawyers — told him he was crazy to give up both the apartment and pay alimony. At our next meeting, I introduced Mark to his new best friend in divorce negotiations: a calculator.
“When you break down the tax benefits and factor in the capital gains you’d avoid by not selling the apartment, you’re actually losing money,” I said. The calculator agreed.
Once we modeled out best-case and worst-case litigation scenarios, reviewed his retirement accounts, and assessed potential buyout costs, Mark had a choice: fight over the apartment and spend $175,000 in legal fees, or settle quickly and strategically. He took our estimates to a CPA and real estate agent, and (armed with real numbers) finally saw the bigger picture.
The Calculator Doesn’t Lie
Everyone has opinions about what you should do in your divorce: friends, coworkers, even your own family. But math is neutral. And when emotions are running high, running the numbers is often the only clear path to a fair outcome.
Take Jennie, for example.
Jennie was emotionally attached to the family home. It had the white-picket fence, friendly neighbors, and a bakery she and her kids loved. But when her soon-to-be-ex made it clear he wanted to sell, she clung harder. She even suggested trading her entire alimony award for a chance to buy him out in four years.
“Let’s just block the sale now and I’ll figure out the refinance later,” she said.
So I gave her some homework:
- Run the numbers on her alimony, both best- and worst-case.
- Talk to a CPA about the tax impact of waiving spousal support.
- Call three banks and ask whether a stay-at-home mom with part-time work and child support could qualify for a mortgage in four years.
Jennie’s Dream Deal vs. Reality
Let’s break it down:
| Deal | Components | Net Value |
|---|---|---|
| Jennie’s Dream Deal | – $220k (alimony waived) + $350k (half the house, with a mortgage) – $15k (legal fees) | $115,000 |
| Calculator’s Deal | + $220k (alimony total) + $350k (half the house) – $6.5k (legal fees) | $563,500 |
Jennie was ready to walk away from nearly half a million dollars to cling to a fantasy of “keeping the house.” But when she looked at her refinancing odds, mortgage payments, and the real cost of childcare, the emotional fog started to clear.
Numbers Don’t Always Say What You Want, But They Always Tell the Truth
No one wants to hear that the house should be sold, the retirement split, or the court battle dropped. But sometimes, what feels like stability is actually an illusion, and what feels like “giving up” is really moving forward.
If you’re facing a hard choice in your divorce, ask yourself:
- Am I holding onto this asset because it’s smart, or because it’s familiar?
- Is this settlement emotionally satisfying, or financially sound?
- Am I sacrificing long-term security for a short-term “win”?
The Real Cost of a “Quick” Divorce
It’s easy to think: I’ve already spent so much on legal fees, I deserve to get what I want. But without understanding the numbers, your “quick” settlement might actually be the most expensive decision you make.
That’s why financial disclosure matters. That’s why your lawyer’s job isn’t just to fight, but it’s to guide you with clear-eyed analysis. Divorce is emotional. But settlement should be strategic.
So before you sign that agreement out of exhaustion or spite, ask one last question:
What does the calculator say?
Have you had to choose between emotion and math in your divorce? Share your story or your favorite financial tip in the comments.
The Divorce Artist™️ 