Jessica believed her husband could be reasonable during their divorce, even after years of emotional abuse and threats of physical harm. She agreed to mediation, hoping for a peaceful resolution. But as the months passed, mediation stalled. Her husband stopped responding. Then came the ambush: a massive court motion filled with lies. He accused her of being unstable, got her removed from the family home, and even secured a temporary order keeping her from their children.
It took Jessica months of litigation to undo the damage. And she’s not alone in falling for this litigation strategy.
Jessica was divorcing a narcissist. She believed his promises to settle fairly, while he was quietly building a false narrative to destroy her. If this feels familiar, you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. Divorcing a narcissist requires a different strategy altogether.
What Is a Narcissist?
These days, the term “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot. But a true narcissist isn’t just self-absorbed. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical diagnosis marked by an inflated sense of importance, a need for constant admiration, a lack of empathy, and manipulative behavior in relationships.
For more clinical background, check out the Mayo Clinic’s guide.
Signs You Might Be Married to a Narcissist
From my experience as a divorce attorney, here are a few patterns I often see when a narcissist is involved:
- He controls the finances, down to the penny, and demands reports of your spending.
- He blames you for everything and insists you’re “lucky” to have him.
- He accuses you of doing the very things he’s guilty of (classic gaslighting).
- He refuses to take responsibility for his actions and reacts explosively when challenged.
- His needs and expectations constantly change, keeping you off-balance.
- He acts like a loving partner or parent in public but shows indifference or cruelty in private.
- He may drink excessively, as narcissism and alcoholism often go hand-in-hand.
What to Expect in the Divorce
While most divorces settle before trial, narcissist-driven cases often don’t. Here’s what you might face:
- False allegations in court and social circles to destroy your credibility.
- Manipulation of your children to turn them against you.
- Deliberate delays and refusal to cooperate, driving up your legal costs.
- Passive-aggressive communication designed to provoke and destabilize you.
- He’ll accuse you of every bad behavior he’s actually committed.
Narcissists use the courtroom as a stage. They love the control, the attention, and the ability to paint themselves as the victim while you fight to protect your truth.
How to Prepare
If you suspect you’re divorcing a narcissist, prepare early and strategically:
- Consult with a lawyer experienced in high-conflict, personality-disorder-driven cases.
- Anticipate false accusations and document everything.
- Limit direct communication and stick to neutral, written channels.
- Don’t expect compromise. A narcissist would rather let a judge decide than admit they’re wrong.
And no—you’re not being dramatic. You’re being smart.
Can a Woman Be a Narcissist?
Absolutely. But research shows men are more likely to meet the criteria for NPD. A University of Buffalo study examining 475,000 people over 31 years confirmed this gender imbalance.
You can’t change a narcissist—but you can out-strategize one. Your peace, your kids, and your future are worth protecting.
Share your story in the comments—what finally made you realize you were divorcing a narcissist?
The Divorce Artist™️ 